Giving Grace

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Life can be so overwhelming some days; most days I’m floating around then it’s bedtime. I’m cleaning, cooking, washing, refereeing, errand-running, playing - you name it. I have a bit (and by that I mean a WHOLE LOT) of OCD tendencies -  I like order and cleanliness, and I was working too hard trying to make this house look nice every single day. Then, I would wake up and do it all over again.

And then I started to realize I was getting myself into a never-ending cycle. My house would never be clean as it once was. Meals will never be fancy or on the good china. And life seemed to just keep going on around me - no matter how many loads of laundry or toys thrown all over the house. So, I had to give myself grace. I wish I could do away with the OCD, but instead I thought of how long I dreamed of this - mess, laughter, little shoes, Hot Wheels, and dolls all over the place. A home. A family. If this house was messy, then it just meant life was happening. A good life. I had to stop and remember. Grace.

After working in schools for 13 years, I had to adjust to a new normal when I started staying home. I had to find my stride, and it took a LONG time (and tears, questioning, a non-sleeping baby) before I figured out how to do this mom thing and this "me" thing. I wanted to find a part of me that seemed lost - I longed for something just for me. So, I searched. And asked. And questioned again. I knew what made me happy and released some of my self-inflicted pressure. Fitness is where I am now. It’s my "me" thing at this moment, and it's not perfect. Do I workout everyday? No. Do I eat Oreos when I want one? Yep. Grace.

I am a mom, a wife, a friend, a daughter...but I needed something more for me. I knew what was making me feel human again - like Kim again. And, I wanted to do something more with this fitness gig. I pondered over it for quite some time - I did my research. Then, I would find something scary, freak a bit, and hide. It was a repeat cycle. But, there was a voice in my head pushing me to step outside my comfort zone and spread a message about how fitness helps me beyond the physical aspect. I took the step and waited. The answer came slowly. Grace.

My story is simple. Working out and making better choices just MAKES me happy. Is everyone going to understand that? Nope. Will there be critics? Of course. While I know it’s going to be bumpy, I am going to surge on because it’s making me better. It’s taking the overwhelming and often repetitive days and giving the person in me another purpose. Beyond this mom role - which is my most rewarding and tiring of them all - I am a human being who has found something that makes me feel good on the inside. I pray I can get this message across in my work - if just one person gets it, it will make it worth it.

And if I fail or falter, I will keep on trucking along. Because….grace.

**speaking of grace - I will be on vacation the rest of this week. Sun, fun, and grace. I'll see you back here on Monday**