name='p:domain_verify'/> Always A New Day : When Grief Makes You DIfferent


When Grief Makes You DIfferent

I had my own notion of grief.
I thought it was the sad time
that followed the death
of someone you love.

My mom found this definition of grief and posted it to Facebook this week. And just like that - another trigger. This time, it's a good one because it allows me to spill it all. The grief. The journey. The good, the bad, and the downright sucky. I loved these words because grief is so damn confusing. We all have a notion. We will be sad - maybe for a long time. We will question - maybe even longer than any other stage. We will get angry - and maybe stick there for a bit.

And you had to push through it
to get to the other side.
But I'm learning there is no other side.
There is no pushing through.

When my dad died in 2002, the news and our new life often knocked me to my knees. Everything was different. In fact, a friend told me I was so different than before, and at first, I felt bad. I didn't mean to be different. I fought really hard to tiptoe through each grief stage. I stunk at most steps, but after years of help, I was getting somewhere. I realized I WAS different. This new me was stuck but treading on.

But rather,
there is absorption.

When my brother died 17 months ago, I remember sitting in my closet with a glass of wine (because...grief) thinking "here we go again. Guess I am about to be different all over again." And just because I lost my dad didn't mean I felt confident in loss this time around. In fact, I had to absorb this one in a whole other way (still absorbing, to be honest), and I am sure I am stinking this one up something fierce, too. Some may say I haven't adjusted well or I talk about it too much. Some may say I need to accept it and move on, but here's the truth - no one knows when or if ever I will do either one.

And grief is not something you complete,
but rather, you endure.
Grief is not a task to finish
and move on.

I am not saying I will wallow or cry or be angry forever (I fight hard to make it through these times in a healthy manner), but I will have days. We all will. Grief will never be completed. We have to endure life without two people - that's hard to grasp even 15 years and/or 17 months later. All of us left in my family don't have a task in front of us to complete. There's not a check mark next to "get over deaths of loved ones" on our to-do list.

But an element of yourself -
an alternate of your being,
a new way of seeing,
a new definition of self.

I am writing these words because we seek patience and love and support. We also still appreciate prayers. Not just for living with the loss but as we navigate life AFTER loss. We ARE different. If you have experienced any loss or change in your life that left you reeling, you are different, too. I write that because it's okay to be different. It's okay to struggle with absorption. And it's okay to have hard days.

You may not know loss, but I bet you know change. I bet you know hardship. It's just that - we are always seeking new ways to better ourselves. The words my mom posted are the truest words I've read about grief. Though they were another trigger, I am happy it triggered words that give grief a face, too.

Grief written by Gwen Flowers


  1. So much TRUTH! Just beautiful, friend. Change and grief do make us different, and because of God's grace, we always, always come out better on the other side. Love you!

    1. You've got that right! God's grace saves me daily!

  2. Thank for your transparency! This was really good!

  3. Truthfully, I can't forget the moment when my best friend was in hospital, fighting with her death, she saw me and some tears came out from her eyes. I can understand your situation and pray that you get courage to bear the loss.

    1. My prayers to you as well. Thank you so much for reading!

  4. This is so true my friend! It does change us, there's a part of our lives that will never be the same. We learn to cope with the pain but the hurt of their absence is forever present in our lives. There are days of ultimate strength and days we are oh so fragile, but God carry us thru it all.

    1. He sure will. He carries me all of my days. Thank you for reading!

  5. Whoa! That information has been fairly effective thank you so much for sharing with us. Visit for
    SEO Service in Delhi

  6. I do agree with all of the ideas you've presented in your post. They are really convincing and will definitely work. Still, the posts are too short for novices. Could you please extend them a little from next time? Thanks for the post.Luminous Battery Dealers in Chennai


  7. بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم نحن فى شركة الكمال نقوم بجميع خدمات نقل العفش والاساس بافض الطرق تحت اشراف

    فريق كبير مدرب على اعلى مستوى من المستويات مع الفك والتركيب
    شركة نقل اثاث بالطائف
    شركة نقل اثاث بجازان
    شركة نقل اثاث بحائل
    شركة نقل اثاث ونقل عفش بحائل
    والسلامة عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته

  8. Bharat CSP Agents are those individuals who acts as an agent of the bank at places where it is not possible to open branch of the bank.

    Apply CSP
    CSP registration
    CSP provider
    bank CSP
    CSP kisok
    kisok banking

  9. We have worked with many businesses in New Zealand and abroad and we have found that although there has been massive growth in technology, most small to medium sized business owners have been left behind.

    Social Media Marketing Company in New Zealand
    SEO Company in New Zealand
    Website Revamp Services in New Zealand
    Graphic Designing Services in New Zealand
    Website Design Services in New Zealand
    Website Maintenance Services in New Zealand

  10. Oxigen BC Private Limited Company is India's Largest CSP Provider, which works in all the states of India to open customer service point of all banks. Such as - sbi, boi, bob, pnb etc.

    CSP Apply
    CSP Online Application
    Online CSP Apply
    CSP Registration
    CSP Online Application
    CSP Provider

  11. A large number of people, particularly the migrant laborers and factory workers do not have a saving account and even not able to open an account due to lack of valid address and ID proof. As a result they face difficulties to save their earnings in a safe place and look out for solution to send money to their families.

    CSP Apply
    CSP Online Application
    Apply for CSP
    Top CSP Provider in India
    Apply Online For Bank CSP


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

Blog Design by Get Polished