When The Anniversary Approaches - Missing my Dad

Sixteen years. Sixteen years ago, I came home from a long day of teaching, ready for a lazy weekend. Instead, my brother-in-law and sister-in-law are waiting for me inside the home I rented with two friends. I see them, and I run. I don't know where I am going, but I know whatever they tell me is not going to be good. I run so it won't be real.

At that moment, my worst fear has come true. Something has happened to my dad. I think heart attack because he's had two prior, but it's not that. It's a fishing accident. They found his canoe, his fishing gear, but not him. Fast forward to nine days later, and we find him. And just like that, I can't outrun this reality.

So, where I am 16 years later on his anniversary? I am a mom. A wife. A daughter and a sister. I try to be a good friend. I worry. I grieve. I sit here right now thinking of how in the world I am here when my dad is not.

Most days, I am good - my kids keep me in real time. I am busy most days with just everyday life. I try on those days to be present because I know that life can change when you least expect it. There are other days - many, in fact - where I just can't. Give me the comfort of my home when I can't face the world outside. When I can't explain my anxiety, my grief, or my depression to anyone at all.

February 28th is the day where I sit in it for those 24 hours. I won't hide my sadness from my kids because I want to be real. I also won't shy away from telling them about the guy who would probably pick them up from school, take them to the park or on a quick fishing trip. The guy who would tell them corny jokes and laugh that raspy laugh. The guy who would call me and read me parts of his favorite book. The guy who would open a beer with my husband to talk business, college football, and how stubborn his daughter is.

My kids are old enough now to really grasp what this day means for me - and for them, too. They are wise enough to know they missed a really good thing. Though I am sad, I want them to a part of this day, too.

We will play Jimmy Buffet because he loved Margaritaville and Son of a Sailor

We will spend part of our day outdoors because he volunteered often to take care of our world.

We will make a good dinner - probably one we just make up - because he didn't follow recipes.

We will talk about good books and reading because my love of reading comes from him.

We will talk about hope because through harder times for my dad, he always had it.

We will look at pictures - like the one of my dad and I dancing at a friend's wedding. 

I will spend some time in the quiet, sitting knee-deep in my loss. Missing him

I will text my friend, Jennifer, and thank my dad and her sister, Missy, for them bringing us together through their deaths.

I will share good memories with my husband because he was lucky enough to know him.

I will hug my kids so hard because I strongly believe he chose them for me.

I will pray hard. For my family. For our loss. For our continued strength that only He can provide.

Sixteen years ago. Sixteen. I've grown. I've lost again. And after this day ends, my dad would want all of us to remember he's safely home - full of hope and fishing in the greatest rivers in Heaven. 

7 Simple Tips To Succeed at Healthy Eating

Another new week is upon us, and while you are planning your weekly menu, you may want to stop and read this post! I am so happy that one of my favorite trainers from my Orangetheory Fitness studio is sharing 7 simple tips to succeed at healthy eating. If you're stuck in a diet rut or want practical tips for healthy eating, Magan is here to help. I've tried diets, and when they fail, the anxiety creeps up. For me, I want long-term, realistic tips for the busy mama. I love what she has to share - you will, too. 

...................................................................

You know that one thing that you could do better on, and it would change everything? That thing that we all like to talk about and do and also has the power to make us a look and feel a certain way? That thing that gives us joy and happiness in one minute, and then in the next makes us feel guilty and regret our decision? You’re probably already thinking about those tacos and margaritas you had last night. Or maybe even as you read this article.

Did you know that in the City of Houston, if you ate out for all three meals, it would take you 10 years to eat at every restaurant the city has? And by then, new restaurants would have evolved, and there would be new places to try - not to mention that we would probably be pretty unhappy and overweight in the process.

Food has this way of taking up our minds, our time, and our paychecks. Whether you eat out or prep your meals at home, you’re trading off either time or money. If you eat healthy and prep organic food - or maybe you married a bodybuilder - it can be both timely and expensive.

Then we throw in all the different diets; paleo, keto, low fat, Atkins, Mediterranean, vegan, Episcopalian, organic, IIFYM, Whole 30 and so on. By now you’re probably confused or hungry.

Nutrition should be simple, enjoyable, and not suck the life out of you and your family’s life.

I read an article on the cost of getting lean, and it was very eye-opening. It painted a very clear picture of what it costs financially and socially to desire a certain body type. Basically, you can’t have your cake and eat it too (unless you’re genetically gifted).

As with any thing in life, you need to stay in your lane when it comes to nutrition. Just because Sally down the street lost 10 lbs on keto doesn’t mean that’s the diet YOU need to do. What are your goals? What is going to work for you and your body type? What’s going to work for your family? I’ve done a few fitness competitions, and I will say that the lack of carbs in my diet turns me into a Mean Girl. Although I had to suck it up to get to the end goal, no carb is not a good diet for me.

So how do we decide what we should be doing? Talk to a nutritionist or a fitness professional (this is slightly out of our scope of practice, but I’d say we probably know a thing or two about how diet affects exercise and weight loss or muscle gain) The first thing is your goal and what you’re trying to accomplish. The second thing is what is your social, work, and family life like? All of these will be affected with any type of extreme dieting. There is no "one size fits all" diet.

Here are some of the tips and suggestions I go over with all of my clients. Very basic stuff and once they nail this, then we get more in-depth.

/1/ Are you eating lean protein at every meal? 

Turkey, chicken, eggs, salmon, tuna, etc. Ladies, your protein serving should be the size of your palm, and gents can probably get away with two palms

/2/ Where are your carbs coming from? 

If you haven’t just worked out or if you are trying to lose fat, then you’d better be eating veggies or fruit, preferably veggies. The best time for starchy carbs (think breads, pastas, tortillas) is post work out. But again, if you’re trying to drop a few pounds, chose these carbs wisely. This will also depend on your body type. Some people can tolerate carbs better than others. Ladies want one fist full and guys, two fists full.

/3/ Where are your fats coming from? 

You should be getting a good balance of healthy fats. Think avocados, olive oil, almond butter, nuts (cashews, almonds, walnuts, pecans are preferred). This serving should be the size of your thumb (ladies) or two thumbs (gents).

/4/ Are you eating every 3-4 hours?

/5/ What are you drinking? 

It should be calorie-free (for example - water, tea, black coffee, pre-workout).

/6/ Are you really hungry? 

Keep healthy snacks in reach (handful of almonds, small red apple, hard boiled eggs, protein bars like Quest or Power Crunch). But ask yourself if you’re really hungry or if you are just bored. Hence, the eating every three to four hours. You might really just need another meal.

/7/  Are you tracking your food? 

You’d be surprised how much you’re eating or not eating and where you deficiencies are just by writing things down. This will also help your nutritionist or fitness professional help you identify what needs to change. Overhauling your diet is hard. Baby steps are best for long term weight loss.

This is skinning the cat on a very wide and broad topic of nutrition. Most of my opinions are based off past experiences as well as information from Precision Nutrition. I have a Nutrition Certification through them, and it is probably the most practical and easiest information to follow. They break everything down by body type, goal, and timing. It’s probably the most robust system I’ve ever seen and the results stick! 

It’s about creating a lifestyle - not a diet. Find what works for you and stick with it. Stop beating yourself up when you fail at an unrealistic meal plan. A meal plan should never make you feel guilty or deprive you so much that you lose your sanity. Of course, change is going to require some sacrifice and discipline, but it should be slightly enjoyable discovering what the best plan is for you. It should excite you to see your body change and make it easier to stick with the process. Unless you plan on walking on stage in a bikini, try to enjoy the process and take it one step at a time. Once you nail one thing, then move on to the next. You’d be surprised how much easier it is when you focus on the little things rather than the complete overhaul of your life and pantry.

...................................................................

Coming from a fitness professional and one who is passionate about wellness, I just breathe a huge sigh of relief reading her tips. I've wanted to do a Whole 30 or a keto-friendly diet, but when I falter, I know the anxiety will be so much greater. Diets don't work for me, but overall healthy choices do! 

Thank you so much, Magan! For more info or any questions feel free to email her at maganb@hawaii.edi

Have a healthy week, friends!

Why I Will Keep Watching This Is Us

I was going to be quiet after watching last night's Super Bowl episode of This Is Us and let it all sink in - the way Jack died, how the family handled it, and how they "handle" it as adults. I am too connected to them and their stories for multiple reasons, and I went to bed thinking of so much. Social media can be so silly sometimes, and I wish I didn't let the silliness get to me, but there are so many out there questioning why one would watch such a sad, depressing show.

And as protective (and maybe too vocal) I am of my grief, I had to pull out my favorite lines from the show last night. Sure, I cried, but I felt so much more -  mainly comfort. When you grieve, you often feel alone. And leave it to a TELEVISION SHOW to make me less alone. That's why I will keep watching This Is Us - tears, swollen eyes, and all.

The last episode - before the infamous Super Bowl tear-jerker - of This Is Us left shook me to my core. Yes, we knew Jack would die. Yes, we knew the crockpot was the culprit. But, I suddenly felt myself float back to the day I lost my dad. Soon, these characters would suddenly lose their dad, too. And, I hated that for them. I hate that for ANYONE IN THE REAL WORLD who ever had a regular, carefree day not knowing their world was about to be ripped in two. Or, a sudden burst of throbbing pain like Randall describes. 

For me, this show has words I've been searching for since losing my dad. I don't feel alone when watching - yep, a silly show does that for me. I don't watch it to wallow in pity and to cry my eyeballs out. I watch it because someone out there wrote words for these characters to say, and I feel them all. 

He died because of me. Because in the scariest moments of our lives, he couldn't bear to disappoint me? So, if for once a year, I want to beat myself up for it, please just let me. Let me just sit in it, okay? - Kate

When you grieve, some days, you want to sit in it - knee-deep in it. Why would someone choose to grieve like this? Because we NEED to and because we WANT to sometimes. Kate did with her VHS tape, and I did by watching this episode. And while I felt it ALL, I also felt lighter after. I don't think I've ever thought about it that way because I've been told so much to move on. Get over it. Count your blessings. But, some days, sitting in it is part of the process.

And when I would break, you never ever gave up on me over and over again. Never gave up on me and made me believe in me. You changed my life, and you saved my life. - Kate

My husband knew my dad though briefly. And, I had the blessing of KNOWING how much my dad liked him. My husband (boyfriend at the time) helped search for my dad when he was missing. My husband has given me a life I know my dad loves. My husband gave me two kids who changed and saved me. I'm not easy, folks. And, I break daily. This sweet speech Kate gave to Toby was a blessing. And a needed reminder. That moment was everything and pure sweetness.

And then you were born. And my life flipped. It did a somersault, you know. And, I realized I didn't even have to try...because I love this little girl so much, I didn't even have a choice. You're my number one, baby girl. You're the little girl that made my life somersault. - Randall

Let's see if I can get through this one without crying. My kids have saved me. I don't know how else to phrase it. On the dark days where I miss my dad, they somehow love extra hard. On the days I don't want to face the world, I always remember THEY ARE MY WORLD. This little boy and little girl of mine made MY life somersault.

I remember being in Home Depot one day after my dad was found and after his memorial. Walking through the aisles, I just remember so vividly that this is my new life. Life after dad. I didn't think life would be good again. I didn't think I could exist in a world where my dad didn't. Then, my life somersaulted in 2008 and 2013. I didn't have a choice, but my dad did. He gave them to me. 

.....................................................

Rebecca said Jack comes back each anniversary to make her smile, and with my dad's anniversary looming, maybe this strong pull to write about my favorite show is my dad's smiling moment for me. He did love when I would write.

I will keep watching. And I can't wait for the next episode.

Why Most New Year's Resolutions Fail - And What You Should Do Instead

New Year's resolutions stress me out - well, life stresses me out, let me be honest. We can put so much pressure on ourselves to make these monumental changes to our diet, organizational life, the mom game, etc. But, what happens when we don't match up to our big plans? For me, more anxiety.

I knew this year had to be different than the last - and the one before that - so I NEEDED to make changes for my health, that mental health I talk about so much. Though I didn't want to go crazy diet-wise, I committed to better eating choices. Not for my waistline, but for my heart. I'm happy to report that my choices have been so much better (though we don't need to discuss the cookie butter I ate last night). While overall, I am eating better, I am being realistic in recognizing that being perfect in my eating only causes my anxiety to rise so I am forgiving myself for said cookie butter.

As for that pesky anxiety, I feel pretty good. I have my bad days (this post can describe how I feel about the current state of illness this winter), and I am trying to accept them as they come. On a rough day this week, there was quite a bit of self-talk throughout the day - it will pass, you know it will pass. Get rest, a new day will bring more light. This practice is HUGE for me.

The workouts are on point, the eating is better. Go me. The anxiety ebbs and flows (I am realistic in knowing it won't ever disappear completely), and I am making small steps every day. I worry, I will always worry, but I feel more prepared for when that jerky worry swoops in to steal my joy.

But, what if January was still gross, and you haven't found that perfect path? I am here to tell you that is nothing to be ashamed of - though that shame is so real you can pretty much talk to it - because you are not alone in feeling depleted. Maybe we could start a group for the resolution fails we've had so far, then we can remind each other how bad ass we are.

I say that if your resolutions aren't up to where you wanted to be, you forgive. If you see someone rocking all the things they set their mind to on January 1st, and it brings you fear/regret/sense of failure, you unfollow and clap that you're still in it, even if in it means you are covered in the mud and clawing your way back up. And you claw until December 31, 2018. But along the way, you talk. You move. You find a tribe. You find an outlet. You create. You rest. You wash your hair every other day (or every 2-3). You just do you.

In our lives we have so much pressure - be a good mom, be a good friend, be a good wife, and so on. This is why my resolution was simple - find hope through my tribe, my creations, and my dirty 2-day old hair. You can still find hope. I am still seeking mine, and I know it will be a daily practice, and not one that is in full effect come February 1st.

What if you feel stuck and 2018 already feels off? You let yourself feel the feels because you are allowed to have rough days. You eat that cookie butter, and you call a friend. You send each other funny memes that only you get - because that friend is still stuck on January 1, too.

Do not let a failure of resolutions stress you out - we have enough of that as it is in our busy lives. I still worry. I still have anxiety, and January brought some tough days, but you have to remember you're tougher.

And as I put the finished touches on this post, I receive a text that made my anxiety skyrocket. Time to practice what I preach. Dig those heels in, and maybe go find that cookie butter.

The Busy Mom's Health And Fitness Must-Haves (+ The Best Smoothie Recipe)

Checking in on those resolutions - how are we doing?! Finding healthier outlets for all my anxiety has been a top priority for me. I LOVE my workouts, but in the past year, it's the nutrition that was bringing me on down - queso become my love language. Well, really anything Tex-Mex was at the top of my stress-bustin' list, and it was time to quit the queso. 

Have I fallen off the resolution train? Of course, I am human. But, I can definitely say I'm learning better ways to ease the anxiety. From those beloved sweat sessions to our weekly meal plans, things have improved from my daily indulgences in the past. Thanks to  Redefined Wellness and these must-haves that honestly appear on the daily. And, if I have essentials that make my resolutions happen, I want to share them with you. Take a look and see for yourself - from what I wear to where I go - it's all here.

And if you read to the end, you can find THE BEST SMOOTHIE RECIPE that I have every single day. All the nutrients are there to help the busy mama get her groove back. 

WHERE I GO

If you follow me on  Instagram, I talk often about  Orangetheory Fitness. My husband calls it my "Orange Therapy" because that's exactly what it is for me. When I was lucky enough to try a free class for  this post, I was HOOKED. The challenge. The people. The strength. Go find  a studio near you, and report back. I am doing a transition challenge with them starting January 29th, and I am ready. Come join me!

After each class, you get a detailed report emailed to you - it contains your final calorie count and  splat point total. These results are exactly why I do OT. I love seeing how far I can push myself each class. You aim for 12 splat points per class - 12 or more means you will get an awesome after burn for up to 24-48 hours. Yes, please!

WHAT I WEAR

From my running shoes to my favorite sports bra, I watch the budget and do not spend a ton. This sports bra has tremendous support for the long runs at OT. I also love a good, loose tank top - I own two of these!

I have stocked up on some Zella leggings that are my absolute FAVORITE. Can I just say high-waisted? They smooth the mom pooch and do not roll down when working out. They are perfect for rest day lounging, too. 

The no-slip socks and Sweaty Band headband are genius as well. I've had to stop mid-row at OT to pull up socks or get hair out of my face, and these helped stop the madness.

HOW I STAY HEALTHY

Since I started my health goals, I've found supplements that help my overall health. I add the collagen peptides to my smoothies and toss a Nuun tablet into my water after a sweat session. I love how they flavor the water because is it just me or does drinking water get boring? These little gems spice up your H2O. 

Brooks Glycerin Running Shoes / Vital Proteins Collagen Peptides / BCG Padded Sports Bra

BCG Striped Tank Top / Orangetheory Fitness / Sweaty Band Headband

Nike Women's No-Show Socks / Nuun Electrolyte Tabs / Zella High-Waisted Leggings

Mix all ingredient above in a blender and enjoy! Add ice cubes if you like that texture.

From my favorite smoothie recipe above to all the goodies that keep my health goals going, I hope you find something that boosts those healthy resolutions. Get to shopping for any of these essentials, and let me know what you think! 

Feel free to comment or reach out with your health tips or any questions, too! What are your must-haves for a healthy 2018?

This post contains Amazon affiliate links. If you click and make a purchase, I may receive a commission (at no cost to you). Thanks for supporting Always A New Day! You can read my full disclosure on the sidebar. 

7 Disney World Tips For First-Timers

I'm taking advantage of our Texas snow days to catch up on a post I've wanted to write for a while! ALL THINGS DISNEY! We traveled to the happiest place on Earth right before Christmas. So much planning goes into a Disney World trip, and while there are great travel agents to help make the plans, you can absolutely plan it all yourself. Thanks to my mom and sister for the planning - and it's because of them that I can share these tips.

If you've got Disney World on the brain, then this post is for you. And don't forget to pin this if you ever want to take those kiddos to see Mickey and friends. 

/1/ UTILIZE THE MY DISNEY EXPERIENCE APP

This little app was our tour guide, reservation maker, and so much more. When you purchase a theme park ticket, you can use the app to make Fast Pass selections for rides, shows, and character meet-n-greets up to 30 days in advance. Big bonus if you stay at a Disney resort - then you can book up to 60 days in advance. 

We also all had access to our one My Disney Experience account so we could keep up with our Fast Pass schedules and make any changes if needed. We would make changes based on the waiting times which are also shown on the app. If we had a Fast Pass for a ride with a short line, we just open the app and make the change to something else that had a longer wait. Those Fast Passes are game changers. 

The map option on the app is super helpful, too. But, it doesn't hurt to grab a good ol' park map when you're there!

/2/ STAY AT A WALT DISNEY WORLD RESORT HOTEL

We usually stay at a value resort (they base resorts on your budget plans - from deluxe to moderate to value) because you honestly aren't in the hotel long enough during your stay. But, no matter your budget, we highly recommend staying on property. Not only do you get to book things far in advance, but you also have the bus transportation to each park. Winning!

/3/ PACK YOUR OWN LUNCHES/SNACKS

Before we leave home, we order our groceries online and have them delivered to our hotel. From quick lunch items to the kids' favorite snacks, you can get it all. Ask the hotel if there is a refrigerator in your room (request one if not) to store your groceries. Each day, we made sandwiches for lunch that we took into the parks. Saves money and time! Another BIG recommendation is to add case(s) of water to your list. Water isn't cheap at the parks! And you'll need hydration for all the walking you will be doing. #TrustMe

You can use Garden Grocer or this year, we ordered from Safeway. And don't forget breakfast items, too - yogurt + granola + fruit was our favorite combo so we could get out the door and hit the fun!

/4/ RESERVE A STROLLER ONLINE

The first year we went with kids, they were 6 years old and 15 months. I almost got a single stroller, but we decided on a double for that trip. BEST DECISION EVER. The days at Disney be long (longer if you have a tired, cranky kid) so it was nice to have a double for both kids to rest and/or nap. This year with them being 9 and 4, we only got a single, and it worked out well. They also make great storage for all the souvenirs/snacks/survival items you need for Disney.

Check out Orlando Stroller Rentals - they are great and have amazing customer service. We've used them twice and highly recommend their strollers. 

/5/ ADD THE MAGIC MAKER TO YOUR PLANS

All over the parks, they have photographers in the best locations. You can get your photo taken and then they scan your magic band (you'll get these before you leave, and they are your lifeline). The pictures show up right away on your My Disney Experience app. You can save them to your phone to share on social media and also download them all once you get home. 

See all the pictures in this post? All courtesy of our Magic Maker!

/6/ PACK FOR IT ALL

The weather in Florida can be weird so pack accordingly. Definitely bring a light jacket because if you go in the fall/winter, there may be a chill especially at night. Pack for comfort - we walked 10 miles one day. Thank goodness for my tennis shoes and workout leggings. If you go in the summer, bring your bathing suit (even pack some in your everyday bag). Heck, we packed ours for December just in case we got in some pool time at the hotel. 

Finally, if you want fun Disney shirts for your trip - get them before you go! Wal-Mart had great ones as does Target and the Disney Store. You can also have some made - luckily, my friend, Laura, has some mad skills so we had a few shirts made.

And don't forget umbrellas and rain ponchos, too. Rain is a high possibility, and you don't want it to stop the fun!

/7/ PLAN A REST DAY/POOL DAY

Depending on how long you stay, you may want a day to take it easy. Swim in the pool or visit Disney Springs for shopping and fun (the bus will take you there, too).

We also used a free morning to see other hotels. During Christmas, there are so many beautiful decorations that we love to see. The Grand Floridian has a giant gingerbread house plus don't even get me started on all the amazing Christmas trees. Beautiful!

If you have little ones, this rest day may help you all have a magical time. It is vacation after all so get the rest/free time in when you can. 

_______________________________________

Planning for Disney itself may require a vacation after all is done, but planning ahead does save you so much. Once you arrive, it's time for fun and to watch your kids go bananas over all the magic (and I won't lie - the adults get giddy, too). Though there are only 7 tips here, I know more will come up so don't be surprised if a part 2 (or 3 or 4) happens in the future.

If you have any Disney tips, share in the comments. Disney has SO much to offer and can be the trip of a lifetime.

See you real soon!

A Year In Review + A Reader Survey

My last post, you guys. So much love. I seriously cried with each comment, message, and email I received. These sweet words reminded me I am not alone but mostly, they were SO encouraging. The time you took to send support did not go unnoticed. And, most of all, they gave me that HOPE I am looking for this year. Thank you.

REFLECTING ON 2017

I can't say exactly what started off the funky year in 2017. We did have my brother's anniversary in January, and February always stinks because it's when we lost my dad. If you are familiar with my dad's accident, you know there are many dates associated with this big loss - the day he went fishing, the day he was found, and the day we said good-bye. Just writing that makes me want to scream, "did that really happen?" Oh, grief, you tricky little jerk.

There were hardships, changes, trying to make it all right again and again - 2017 just kept slipping away into a fog. A gross year where loss was so heavy and anxiety came roaring back with such force. I am beyond ready for a new year.  This past year, I saw ups and downs as I tried ways to lessen my anxiety and improve my depression. In 2018, I want more.

This blog has been a fun, cathartic outlet for me. It's not necessarily a business, but an avenue to share and hope others find comfort. It's given ME so much comfort in the years it's existed. This year, I have had some posts do well, and that is super exciting. Here's what shined in my little corner in 2017. From easy desserts all the way to bettering yourself (while eating that trifle, obvs) - I loved what you loved this year!

TOP 5 POSTS OF 2017

Easy Chocolate Twinkie Trifle

40 Self-Care Ideas For the Anxious Mom

5 Things To Give Up Forever

6 Bible Verses For The Grieving Heart

4 Tips For Making Moving Easier - For The Busy Mom

I did take a step back towards the end of the year to find my groove again. I miss writing to heal or to connect. If cool opportunities come my way, I want them to reflect who I am and where I am headed. This new year is going to be one for rebuilding. HOPE, y'all. There it is.

MOVING FORWARD

My overall health and my faith are top of my list. I love a great workout and the strength (more mentally than anything) that I build each time I move. But, the nutrition. Oh my word. I definitely believe in everything in moderation, but moderation has not happened much in 2017. It's more like - "I feel sad, I deserve this bag of chips." Or, "today was stressful, let me eat all that pizza." My mindset has not been right one bit.

Enter Redefining Wellness and my friend, Jody. I love picking her brain about nutrition and the connection to our mental health. It's time to take better care of that if I plan to grab HOPE and roll with it this year. We are currently doing a 21-day challenge, and I can't wait to share, but I mostly can't wait to LEARN.

As for my faith, I want more of the WORD. And, I want more time with HIM. I don't have the Bible memorized, but I do know I am still here because of something bigger than me. Thankfully, a former English teacher friend has written a daily devotional. Her words. Her heart. Her message. I cannot wait to let this lead me into learning about myself and my faith. To learn more about Brandi's devotional, click HERE.

And there you have it, reflecting, moving on, and finding HOPE. Sounds simple, but I know the road isn't always golden, but I am just SO READY.

If you have ideas or input on what 2018 holds for Always A New Day, I love the feedback. You can take this little survey here to help a girl out. See you soon, friends!

Click HERE to take the survey.

The Only New Year's Resolution I Have

I feel like I’ve been lying to you, friends. I’ve written post after post after post about how I am going to get my sh** together and be better.

I was going to be intentional. I was going to quit the pity parties. I was going to turn a corner into hope, joy, and resolution. Around that corner, there was going to be this badass who had it all figured out – the grief, the anxiety, and…the depression.

I had the outlets. My blog. My fitness. My tribe. My counselor. I had (and still have) these tools, but I just couldn’t get myself around that pesky corner. And on the dark days – and there have been many in 2017 – I beat myself up that I couldn’t make my move to the other side.

I’m always coming up with a new plan. This time, we’ve figured out the right medication. This time, I would quit the obsessing. This time, I will trust God. Nope, not like those other times. This time was going to be it.

But, it wasn’t. Then, it wasn’t again. And then the next day, it STILL wasn’t. You would think at some point I would get tired and just BE HAPPY. Choose joy. Choose it all the time. But, I couldn’t, and if I am being really honest, I’m still struggling.

I could write resolutions and those cute how-to’s on how to make resolutions, but for 2018, I want HOPE. I won’t find it in the latest diet craze or beautiful planner that promises to get my crap together. I won’t find it with things that bring me so very down. I won’t find it today or tomorrow or maybe next week, but I want HOPE that it’s coming.

I want HOPE that it’s coming, and it’s going to be good.

So, right before Christmas, I saw my beloved doctor who hugged me as soon as he walked in. He saw it on my face and immediately said Plan B wasn’t working. He took his time and listened. We had a real discussion. I cried when it was done. I had my first glimpse of HOPE, and I haven’t seen that in such a long time.

And, it felt REAL, and it felt damn good.

You can bet this blog will chronicle where I am headed, and if Plan B becomes Plan C or D. You can bet I’ll share the good, the bad, and the crappy because anxiety and depression are no walks in the park, and they sure aren’t rainbows right away after you’ve found your new course of action. I know it will take time.

A sweet friend who knows these feelings all too well said to me recently that she was in the “pits of hell” last Christmas, and I lost it because holy moly, do I get it. And she has found such HOPE in her plan that I am encouraged in mine.  I see HOPE. And I am gunning for it.

If you’re looking for a good resolution post or quick tips for the best year yet, I don’t have any for you. I want to so badly, and I don’t want this to be a space of doom and gloom. But, I want to be real in my writing so for now, I’m keeping it real no matter how murky it gets.

My husband asked what I wanted for 2018, and I said that I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY. I’m still a sister grieving a brother. I’m still lost in what’s next for me in the working world. I’m still a worry wart. But, my HOPE is that in this new year, I’m just a tiny bit – or praise it all, a big ol’ bit better – than 2017.

I see that corner, y’all. And while it may be too many blocks ahead, I see it. And when I reach it, I’ll let you know. I’m going to round that corner with all the fight I have.

Bring it, 2018. I HOPE by the year’s end, I have the best bunch of happy and hopeful posts on this side of the blogging galaxy.

As always, thanks for reading. 

Why I Decided To Take A Blogging Break

I love my little blog. When it started a few years ago, it became such an outlet for me as a new mom (for round two) and as a NEW stay-at-home mom. The words gave me a release - they lifted weights off my shoulders. And, they still do. But at this time, I don't feel too many words coming.

Maybe it's grief or anxiety - maybe a mixture of both. I feel like I'm currently in a time of research - what's next for me in terms of my career, my well being, and my little blog. A favorite blogger recently posted she was letting it all go, and while her reach is far greater than mine, her words connected to my current anxiety with all things. And like her, I think a blogging break - and maybe an entire social media break - is necessary. 

I won't leave this space alone for long, but I definitely feel the pull to stop for a bit. To enjoy this holiday season. To feel all the feels that come with the chaos and ultimate JOY of this season. I don't want to spend it scheduling posts or writing gift guides or holiday survival tips just because everyone else is doing it - I want to write when I feel the urge to share. The good, the grief, the joy, and the anxiety. After all, that's why I started this space in the first place. 

Some days, I don't feel anyone is reading, and I have often felt like I am stuck in this social media game - followers, likes, collaborations. Others are rocking it, and I am over here praying my words connect. I don't like how it's added to my anxiety, so when saying no is my new motto, I feel the pull to say no to that silly game I just can't seem to get on top of most days. 

Always A New Day was formed because I needed my space - I needed to feel like a person behind the mom title. I wanted to write because my dad liked reading. I wanted to write about how anxiety is a daily struggle. And then I had to write about grief after losing my brother. When I chose the words, I then was choosing the right time to post them or the right photo that would increase engagement. I just don't want to anymore. 

I think on my break, I will spend time writing. Just writing. The old-fashioned way. I will look into exciting career opportunities that have come my way. I will get healthier - mainly on the inside than the out. 

And when I come back, if you're still here, I hope you find words that resonate with you. 

Thank you for blessing me with your support. Have the best holiday season - spend it loving one another, being kind, and taking care of yourself, too. 

See you in 2018!

5 Reasons Why We Are Delaying Kindergarten

The topic of "will we?" or "won't we?" start our daughter early in kindergarten comes up often - and when I say often, it even came up right when she was born. Not if we would, but more of how we would make that decision. I've had many mom friends make the choice - for reasons that were best for the child, no doubt. Coming to our choice took patience and teamwork - and since many parents are faced with this choice, I wanted to share why we decided to wait.

Last year when deciding about my daughter's pre-school, we needed to make some big choices in regards to her school years. My little bit was born mid-August meaning she will turn five right smack in the middle of the summer's final month. Should we send this sassy, social butterfly? Could she hang among her peers who were quite a bit older? Am I making this choice too much about me? So many questions. Fears. Anxieties.

As a parent, it would be FANTASTIC if we could see the future - if our decisions now about our kids will have major impacts on their lives. I would love to know if putting her in kindergarten right when she turns 5 is exactly what is meant for her, but the truth is I have no idea.

-----------------------------------

My husband and I have talked at great length about what would be "best" for her. We have also talked to SO many parents - on both sides of the debate. Those who sent kids early, so to speak, and those who waited. We also have talked to her teachers and her pediatrician. None of these conversations happened overnight nor did they come and go. We have spent great care in our choice, and I feel so comfortable in our decision. 

We are choosing to send her when she turns 6 - yes, making her the oldest in the class. We are choosing this based on the mentioned conversations, the research, and the input of moms who have done both AND with their unbiased opinions. We have watched our daughter from all standpoints - socially, academically, emotionally, etc. The WHOLE picture of who she is - not one over the other. 

I think my daughter would excel in kindergarten - she is extremely social, loves other kids, and loves to play. She has some strong academic skills and weaknesses, too. But, we are also thinking beyond kindergarten. We are thinking of the tween and teen years. We are thinking of her going to college. A close friend sent her daughter "early" and didn't notice the frustrations until middle school. So while she would love and learn from kindergarten, we want to think about what happens after. When I discussed options and perspectives with teachers, they mentioned that academics didn't falter when they started kindergarten early, but they did notice maturity and some social skills were not the same as their peers. 

Beyond kindergarten is tough - I know, I see my son in third grade already struggling a bit to keep up with new concepts and to understand exactly what grades mean for him now and forever. We are thinking of her academically in sixth grade, ninth grade, and even college.

I am not worried about her being bored when she starts school - anyone who knows her says she isn't quite sure what boredom is as she ALWAYS on the go. I don't worry that she is missing out on anything as I do not see any rush to make her grow faster than she needs to. I cannot wait to watch her confidence soar - and while it could in kindergarten, I want to watch it grow naturally as that's just who she is. 

The gift of time. Sure, I want her little forever, but as we know, the years are fleeting. I am still confused as to how the baby I couldn't believe was mine is now the one who is able to start her school years. That gift of time will give her so much - her confidence, leadership, and self-efficacy will flourish. I cannot wait for that time to watch her grow even more. When I mentioned our story and plan on Instagram, I received so many positive messages from other moms - one said her daughter did great in kindergarten when she started young, but it was hard for her to head off into the "real world" at 17. Another said she looks at it as "18 Summers" - that's more for family trips, weekend outings, or just about anything to make more memories. Gah, I just love that  perspective, too. 

-----------------------------------

We decided to delay kindergarten because it's OUR decision as her parents. We've shared our stories with those who see her and know her best as that whole person. We talked at length with professionals and parents who tell both sides of the debate. And because of all of this, we have made OUR choice. 

If you are on the fence about delaying school, I'd love to chat more. I also encourage you to talk, share, and ask questions. One sweet friend mentioned that her son - who started later - does tend to gravitate towards older kids which makes her worry if they did the right thing. I love that she shared that with me, and for others who gave me reasons for going ahead and getting her in.  Bottom line is - find those you know will give you unbiased and KIND advice. You will come to the conclusion with ease once you've thought about it in all directions.

You are your child's advocate, their cheerleader, and their greatest fan. These are our choices. And with time, you will know yours, too. 

Our Favorite Holiday Tradition

**This post contains affiliate links via Amazon**

Hear me out, I know we haven't hit Thanksgiving yet, but I am thinking of Christmas already. When you have anxiety, you seek out the things that just make you happy. Decorating, Christmas movies, the joy on my kids' faces, and my family being together - those things just bring peace and happiness. Of course, above all, it's the reason for the season, too - it's a time of great thanks and grace.

My family has been through the wringer, but nothing makes us stronger than being together. For years, we have always gathered for Christmas - church service, family gift giving on Christmas Eve, tons of delicious appetizers, and waiting for Santa to arrive. My sister and I LOVE it - so much so that we created a tradition many years ago. It's our most favorite tradition and one I love shopping for each year. My hope is you can start this tradition with someone you love!

I honestly can't say where the idea came from, but I do know with how close we are, we knew one gift wasn't enough. We also didn't want to break the bank with gifts. My favorite part of this tradition is that it uses our creativity. Here's what we do:

We buy 5 gifts for each other.
The total of all gifts is no more than $50
One gift has to be made.

The DIY gift - including the materials needed to make it - are included in that $50. Some of our favorite non-made gifts are TJ Maxx gift cards, coffee mugs (she's already requested this one - ha), jewelry, scarves, journals, wine glasses, candles, books, etc... Basically, anything we know the other will love and use!

The made gifts have included jewelry holders, home decor, earrings (she's way craftier than me), holiday decorations, and the list goes on. Thankfully, I have a crafty husband who always helps my lack of creativity.

Take our favorite tradition and do it with a friend, spouse, parent, or sibling, too! Change it up to fit your relationship. I can't wait to get my shopping on - I already have the DIY gift on my mind. Stay tuned!

My sister painted this church on tin - so talented

I made this DIY necklace holder!

What are some of your favorite holiday traditions? I love hearing new ideas and getting the absolute most out of this holiday season!

Easy Cheesecake Cupcakes

We all need a little sweetness in our lives - good thing you can get that love in these cheesecake cupcakes. Yep, you read that right - mini cheesecakes so small, it can't hurt to have just one. Or maybe two.

Cheesecake goes fast in our house. The hubs loves anything cream cheese - in fact, his groom's cake was one giant cheesecake. So, of course we love us some Cheesecake Factory, but we are loving that you can now get their beloved cheesecake to make on your own. The Cheesecake Factory At Home Cheesecake Mixes are easy and the perfect decadent treat. And it can become the easiest, cutest, and yummiest cupcake ever.

Ingredients:

Cheesecake Factory At Home Cheesecake Mix (any flavor!)
Cupcake liners
Additional toppings (fruit, chocolate chips, caramel, whipped cream, etc)
NOTE: You'll also need cream cheese, eggs, and if you follow the chef's tips on the package, you may need heavy cream too #yum

What to do:

1. Heat oven to 350 degrees.
2. Line a 12-cupcake pan with cupcake liners.
3. Make crust as described on box and put a tablespoon of mixture at the bottom of each liner.
4. Make the cheesecake as described as well - then fill each liner to the top with the mixture.
5. Bake the mini cheesecake cupcakes for 20 minutes or until the centers are almost set.
6. When finished, let the mini cheesecake cupcakes rest at room temperature.
7. When cool, place mini cheesecake cupcakes in the refrigerator for at least an hour.
8. Before serving, add your desired topping. (NOTE: the caramel and strawberry flavors come with toppings, but you can definitely add your own.)

Bring to your holiday gathering or add to your kids' lunch - they fit perfectly in our lunch containers. No matter how you serve them, The Cheesecake Factory's new At Home Cheesecake Mixes will impress your guests and your little dessert lovers at home.

The Cheesecake Factory is America’s favorite restaurant known for its delicious and LARGE menu of more than 250 items and more than 30 legendary cheesecakes. Sharing is highly recommended, but I dare you to share your mini cheesecake cupcakes. They are perfect for the busy mama to sneak when the kids aren't looking!

Enjoy your sweet treats and thank you Cheesecake Factory for making mamas happy all over the world! Cheesecake for everyone :)

Click HERE to learn more about Cheesecake Factory At Home Cheesecake Mixes

The Truth About Anxiety

Ten things you need to know about anxious moms. Where I've been with anxiety lately. How it is to live with anxiety. Oh so many titles, blog post ideas, random thoughts, etc. I've erased and written again because I want others to know what it's like to live with anxiety. And I want even more to know they are not alone. I don't like being anxious, and in the last few weeks, it honestly has gotten pretty bad. This is my truth about anxiety.

Too much on my plate or relationships that have fallen apart - it has felt like I cannot get my mind to stop worrying. I replay conversations or I even make up scenarios that haven't happened yet - its never-ending. And it's so exhausting because it comes suddenly, without warning. You almost have to be on full alert even when life is good. You have to be prepared for that worry to spring up at any moment. And in the last month or so, I have been on edge about it all - parenting, friendships, obligations, grief, etc. See? Exhausting.

I've shared before how I seek help when it gets too hard. The help has lifted life-sized boulders off my shoulders. But, lately, I  thought I could fight it on my own. All on my own. Asking for help is not a weakness or a sign that something is desperately wrong. In the last two weeks, I realized I cannot do hard things without a community - a good doctor, understanding friends, and quite a bit of prayer.

I could sugarcoat my truth and give tips on combating anxiety or say I welcome every morning feeling refreshed to tackle a new day, but the truth is I have run out of tips. The triggers are obvious; the worries are the same. But, I am so tired of living in a Groundhog Day type of life. When that fatigue set in a few weeks ago, I knew what I needed to do.

We are tired, anxious mamas. We have so much on our plate, and we try to control every aspect of our day or at least I do. I think too much of the what ifs and the whys, and I've hit the wall. Two weeks ago, I buckled down and started a new journey.

If you are in the trenches of worry - whether it's a continuous struggle or a new thing that has come with motherhood, the other truth is you are not alone. The battles don't have to be big to give you worry. You should never feel ashamed. In fact, as my friend Lisa recently posted - "when you're troubled, throw out a lifeline to someone else. It will keep both of you afloat in ways you never imagined."

So let's say my new truth about anxiety is that lifeline. Recently, I have felt troubled. I have felt weak. I am now throwing this out to someone else - hoping we both remember we have strong tools in our arsenal to keep us afloat. Of course, there will be wounds that still come up as we get through the days. There will be times when my arsenal feels depleted. But, with a new plan in motion, and a tribe that beats all tribes, I am ready.

The real truth is I am more ready than ever.