The First Time I Met Grief

The first time I met grief, I was 21 years old. Sitting in my college apartment - using dial-up to search for jobs now that the real world was headed my way. After hours of searching, I got off my computer, and my phone was ringing.

Did you hear? Are you okay?

I hadn’t heard til that moment. And being okay was suddenly a thing of the past. With frantic cries and calls to loved ones and friends, I needed someone with me since I was alone when I received the news. My friend rushed over as we waited for my dad to make his way into town.

My first action was to have my friend turn his pictures around that were on my bulletin board. The guilt came rushing in so much that I couldn’t bear to see his face knowing we had left things undone at the time of his death. My dad arrives, and he just lets me cry - comforts me as only a dad can. 

We wait for answers and plans and check on others. He then drives me home so I can be close to loved ones and his family if they need me. All I remember as I get to my childhood home is hugging my mom on the garage floor. I vividly remember retreating to a dark bedroom where I lay for hours trying to make sense of this loss - this guilt that is so powerful I can hardly breathe.

The funeral comes, and there a few things I remember - his mom, her asking me to sit with the family, praying the Serenity prayer huddled with his aunts, and my dad not leaving my side despite the heat. I didn't know where I fit in at this time as our history together was left without any closure. I retreated back to that dark room and just needed to be left alone.

My parents thought otherwise as they sought out a counselor for me. His parents reached out and wanted me to visit them when life returned to its new normal. Still, I felt guilt. It was physically heavy, and it was unlike anything I had ever experienced. For someone who likes order and plans, I couldn't handle that I did not have control. I couldn't deal with the fact that so much was left unsaid and undone. No one was mad at me, but none of that mattered. 

This August, we approach his 40th birthday. The hard part is his birthday is also the day we lost him. I won't be alone in grieving him - his beautiful mom needs prayers. His fun-loving dad does too. He has nieces and nephews and cousins who adored him, and I adore each of them. This day cannot be about me though it's extremely painful to revisit. 

The first time I met grief, the wind was knocked from me. The second and third time I met it, the same. My breath was gone, and my stages with each rotate in different directions - never in the same pattern as the other losses. I often think this why I am tired and anxious - actually, I know it is. With all the thoughts and trying to keep up with grief stages, you can get just plain exhausted. I will be tired thinking of the loss, but his family will be more so. And for that, I ask for prayers.

I've never written about this loss. There is still much I'd like to keep to myself because of the situation, but I want prayers for him and his family. And I don't want that first time I met grief to be the only thing we think of when we think of him. He LOVED his family. He LOVED classic country music; he was the best two-stepper in Texas and beyond. He was a die-hard Aggie and wore his white Aggie cap daily. He was simple. He was fun. He was an amazing artist. 

The first time I met grief is very hard to recall. I picture my dad with me each step of the way, physically and now as my heavenly protector. Grief never, ever ends. With anniversaries, birthdays, or the days you just feel their absence, it's always there. I hope he's okay with me sharing more about him. I think he would be okay with it, but it's one of the questions I won't get to ask. 

When I think of this time of loss, I know God had plans for me, for him, and for his family and friends. We have all done well in our lives though we wish we could see how well he would've done, too. None of us will wake up one day and not grieve - especially not this month. We grieve for him and with each other. 

Surviving Summer In Texas

Hey, friends! It's been a hot minute since I've blogged - like a legit HOT minute because we are melting here in Texas. Honestly, I have LOVED this summer with my peeps. The hubs was off, we traveled our great state, we VBS'ed and camped our way through some fun, and then the hubs started his new jobby job, and more...

I mentioned recently on Instagram that I was feeling lost in the blogging world, and I would write when I FELT the words coming. Well, this weekend a funk found me, and I knew getting back to my creative corner would pull me out of the muck. Thus, you are here reading some of the ways we (and I mean mainly ME) are surviving summer in the Lone Star State.

CAMPING

Luckily, we have some camping professionals in our tribe, so we hooked up with them and four other families to hang out in Lake Travis. Lake Travis will always be a favorite because we got married there, but it's also SO DARN PRETTY. We still have quite a bit of camping knowledge to acquire, but we are learning with each trip. In fact, you can see some simple camping tips HERE.

Stay tuned, too! I plan to write a post on some of our favorite places to travel in Texas. You don't want to miss the hidden gems we've discovered.

WORKING OUT

I've got my Orangetheory Fitness routine down, and thanks to my friend and fellow OTF lover, Jamie, I've been getting in my workouts throughout the summer months. OTF does not have childcare, but Jamie and I piggy-back classes while one watches the kids. We think we are pretty genius - more should try this approach and this workout! My gym family has become my real life fam, and we've spent some time saying good-bye to a genuinely beautiful trainer/friend who is moving. I love this place and these people!

READING AND WATCHING

I got after my summer reading list and finished some fab books, and I just added one more that you HAVE to read. ALL. THE. FEELS. Grab The Great Alone and get lost in Kristin Hannah's heart-wrenching story. Then let's chat because I could talk about this one for days.

And, since my regular shows are on hiatus, we've picked The Staircase on Netflix to grab our attention. I love me a crime/court drama, and this one is freakishly addicting. The hubs and I differ on our own verdict - go watch and let's discuss this, too!

WEARING

Once again, my summer wardrobe is provided by Chicks Picks Boutique. How cute is this fun romper? It's cozy and comfy! If you need a little treat for surviving summer, go check out her latest goodies.

WONDERING

I don't want to take too many more blogging breaks. Writing this simple post and just sharing some fun has boosted my mood for sure. I love sharing because it's the connections with other writers/bloggers/readers that make this hobby so special.

And now I'm wondering...what would you like see next on Always A New Day? Feel free to comment or find me on social media. From sharing my anxious heart to helping anyone get through the rough days of adulting/parenting, I'm all in.

Thanks, y'all! Happy summer to you!

Why We Need To Talk About Mental Health - What Kate Spade's Death is Teaching Me

The loss of Kate Spade has triggered more than I could ever imagine. When the news broke, I immediately texted it to my sister – not as informative thing – but almost as a warning. We would feel this one just like we felt it with recent suicides of other famous people.

I don’t want to discredit anyone’s loss of someone they love, but I do feel – for me, personally – grief after suicide has been completely different than any other. The questions, the constant wondering, the whys and how could theys. After two years of losing my brother to his depression, our minds swirl at an almost petrifying pace. We have been left exhausted, frustrated, scared, and confused.

And for those who have been knee-deep in it with me, they know I have sat in anger more than anything.

Yes, I have been angry at him. That’s hard to say and hard to admit. I have been angry that my mom hurts; I have been angry that our family has lost again. I have been angry we don’t have more answers. I have been angry that God “let” this happen. I have been angry that we often get embarrassed to say what happened. I have even been angry at myself for BEING angry.

According to the “rules” of grief, anger is normal. But, for this long? I have use my counseling background to figure out maybe I use the anger as a shield against the real feelings – the extreme pain that he’s gone – that he’s gone along with my dad. That I have to really sit and FEEL what my mom does – what my nephews do. I don’t know the emotional facts behind it, but I definitely think I am on to something with this theory.

Then, Kate Spade dies, and the headlines are all over the place. You mistakenly read the comments that she had it all, why did she leave it behind? Her husband, her creativity, and most of all, her young daughter. You read that she had choices; she had the money to get the best help. Why didn’t she just ask? And, you’re angry again.

These people do not seem to understand mental illness, but maybe I don’t either. I’ve been angry for the same reasons these commenters are – why is it okay for me to feel that but strangers can’t? I sat awake in bed last night letting that sink in. Maybe it’s time for my anger to subside. Maybe it’s time to really feel the pain of loss. Though scary – so damn scary – it just might be time.

Kate Spade may have it all including the bank account to get the best help possible, but that’s the thing with anxiety and depression. It doesn’t hand-select the lesser known nor does it discriminate with age, race, etc. When that demon comes in and comes in strong, some people know nothing else – they no longer want to be that burden to others or to themselves. They don’t trust themselves to get better or make it better. It could be years of hurt or just a moment, but when depression comes, we often struggle because it’s SO big.

So, if you read those comments about strangers being angry about her choice, you have to remember that some just don’t have a choice. They either can’t see the future that is good or they honestly feel this is the best answer. These commenters are giving me the chance to work so hard at digging my way out of my anger and into all the other stages of losing my brother.

Source

And the biggest thing for me since he has died will also be speaking out – hoping mental health care improves, hoping more open up so others know there is a community out there who get it, and hoping people can wait for the good to come.

With Kate Spade's passing, I hope this can be my chance to just miss my brother without the anger. I can’t bring him back; Kate Spade’s family has to do the same. It’s ugly and physically painful, but if we want others to wait for that bit of good, I have to do the same myself.

What Always A New Day Means To Me

I don't think I've ever shared the reason behind Always A New Day - the blog name, that is. I have touched on it in my About Me page, but with this month being Mental Health Awareness Month, it feels like the right time to dig deeper. The name began with an idea from a friend then progressed into what's become pretty special to me.

For me, my why is HEALTH. The physical, the emotional, and the mental. When I began brainstorming the name for my space, I sought out advice from friends. My sweet friend, Lori, recommended There's Always Wine At The End Of The Day. Girl knows me well. She knows my anxiety and my worries, but she also gets my sense of humor, my parenting, and my hardships. I wanted to encompass it all with Always A New Day - shortened and sweet, though wine does happen some days :)

I worry every day. I stress everyday. I get sad some days. I panic on others.

I also love being a mom. I love writing. I have a passion about sharing what is good and what is not. I love things that make my life easier. I love sharing what makes up my everyday.

At the end of that day, whether it's the best day ever or one I can't figure out, I remind myself God has plans for a new day. And wherever that day takes place, I have a chance to go again.

When my days are the gross ones, I remember I've gotten through so much. My friends and my family save me even when they don't know they are doing so. They are with me and pushing me to start that new day - even when the new start seem so far away.

For all of us, there's always a new day or a new horizon coming. Trust me, even when that just doesn't seem possible, I know it most definitely is. And most importantly, I know you are not alone. You are not alone because I'm waiting for that new day right along with you.

So, welcome, new and old friends. Join me in my ramblings. Join me in my joy. Join me in my fears, worries, sadness, grief, grit, and strength. Always A New Day is my hope that no one feels alone. I hope that you can find things to make your new days easier, more fun, and a tribe that reminds you how far you've come.

That's my WHY. My mental health and yours. Sharing this little voice I have with even one person who gets it is worth it all.

Thanks for joining me in the quest for all things new. Rejoicing, hoping, and believing.

The Best Books To Read This Summer

Disclaimer: Affiliate links are used in this post. Thanks for supporting Always A New Day!

Ready for some FUN summer reading? I've got a good list for you - all tested and approved :) During the school year, I turn off the anxiety by turning on the TV (Hey, Real Housewives) and trying my luck at another level of Candy Crush. Needless to say, I didn't have much to keep me engaged.

I found myself missing a really good book - the one that makes you want to hide until you finish. The characters are so real, and you need to know their fate. Thanks to some blogger buddies/avid readers, I've read some AMAZING books in the last few months. And they are PERFECT for your summer reading - grab one for those pool days or for when those summer nights keep you up.

There isn't one book on the list below that I didn't like. With each book, I was lost in the story and found ways to sneak around to read a page or two. When a book makes you want to forgo all adult responsibilities, you know it's a good one!

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo

It Ends With Us

Anatomy of a Scandal

The Light We Lost

The Woman in Cabin 10

A Man Called Ove

I also added what's up next for me - all recommended by friends so I know they will be just as good as the ones above.

BearTown

Girl, Wash Your Face

Little Fires Everywhere

What's on your list? Send me your suggestions!

And, check out last year's list, too. I still have a few to go on that one, but this year's list is just TOO good.

Go get your read on!

How To Help A Friend Who Has Anxiety

When it comes to anxiety, we anxious folks know it is complex. We could research it forever, but most of the time, there are so many triggers (or really none at all) that make it differ from day to day. Those who are anxious do not all act the same nor do they have the same coping mechanisms. For me, my anxiety has come in different forms as of late which is why I keep going back to change my course of action.

If you have a friend who has anxiety or, if you have a friend who has a DIFFERENT "anxiety" than you, friendships can endure bumps and bruises. It's hard to navigate when one doesn't understand the other or has anxiety for other reasons than their own.

I am a friend who struggles. And I am a friend OF many who struggle. I hesitate to share but at the same time, I want to scream it from the rooftops - we cannot help our anxiety so we NEED help to navigate it. As much as I fear the sharing, I also have a passion for it. When we share, when we help - others know they are never ever alone.

So - what do you do when your friend is struggling? Or what do you do when your friend is anxious about something you're not? I hope these tips can help you both.

Understand when they say NO

You keep inviting them to come to lunch. They keep turning you down. You invite them over. They tell you they can't. Now, you're frustrated and maybe a bit hurt. But, they may be having a rough day and for whatever reason, just can't do it. It's not that they don't want to be around you or don't like you, it's the fear. It's the worry. Their home is their comfort, and they feel best in that spot. 

I say no often. I also get sad often when others say no. Crazy, right? As we get older, and we just need a damn break, no just sounds so good. It's part of being anxious and understanding the anxious. 

Check on them 

Send a text. Or my favorite - send a meme or gif that made YOU think of THEM. Your checking in doesn't have to be long-winded or the perfect advice, it's simply that you thought of them. I often get memes from friends, and I love that they send them to me. Makes my heart happy that they are still in my world laughing from however far away.

If you get frustrated, tell them so. 

This one isn't my favorite tip because who likes being told they are wrong? Not this anxious girl. This will get my already crazy brain going off the tracks. But, as of late, I've learned that it's part of working through my anxiety and/or depression. We can get so deep in ours that we forget others have battles, too. A friend and I recently talked about this very issue, and while it was a tough conversation, I am SO thankful we shared our frustrations. And we are stronger now because of it. 

Understand their outlets

I love my anxious friends because they teach me every single day. One has taken up yoga; another meditates daily. Some volunteer often, and others have found new avenues for their careers. I am IN AWE of them. You know exercise is my jam, and I share about it often. Some may not understand my sweaty outlet, but they still push me and give me encouragement. Celebrate what all those bad ass friends are doing - cheer them on every step of the way. 

Recognize their triggers

You don't have to be a professional to do this - you know what can upset a friend. Just because it's not what triggers you, it still is a big deal to them. Oh, I am so guilty of this one. I hate that I have dismissed others when it's not what makes me worry. Anxiety is not one in the same. Carry them through that trigger - just words of encouragement or help remove them from what makes them anxious. It's not always easy, but it helps.

I'm a friend of those who are anxious, and I am big work in progress. I don't check, I get selfish and frustrated. But, in the last two weeks, I've had amazing conversations with friends who make me want to better. We can all be better. 

If you have a friend who is anxious or you are anxious like me, I'd love to hear your tips for others understanding you. Share here or you can always email me or catch up on social media.

Thanks for reading, friends.

The Ultimate Houston Summer Bucket List

I'm feeling SO much better these days - mama is getting her groove back! Time to make some plans - fun plans and not let life's stress dictate our days. My son has declared it's time to prepare our summer bucket list, and I agree! Each year, we try to come up with places to go and people to see. Some fancy because we have to drive into big H-town, and some local - and each place we've listed in today's post is a place we've visited once or twenty times.

Go grab your kiddos, that pen and paper, and get to creating your list. Houston peeps, we've got an ULTIMATE summer list of fun for you. And we extend that invitation to anyone who wants to come visit, too. Add our fun city to your travel plans this summer. We will excitedly be your tour guides!

Levy Park

Y'all! This park was the biggest hit of our spring break. Dog park, foosball, green fields for play, playgrounds, food trucks, giant Connect Four - you name it! You will find us here often.

Boardwalk at Towne Lake

I couldn't make a list without a place we visit weekly - check their events for kids' fun and even live music! You can shop, workout, eat, and grab the best coffee in town!

Goforth Park

Another park local to us on the Northwest side - a huge park, walking trail, and dog park, too. Pack a lunch and you have the best summer picnic.

Cy Fair Library

On Wednesdays, we read. We love story time on these days, and I love grabbing my latest book (My Summer Reading List is coming soon). Computers, puzzles, coloring, and more!

Hugs N Donuts

We ventured out to this little gem in the Heights over spring break, and there are no words for the Nutella Donut or the Thin Mints Donut. Worth a drive for these unique treats!

Biscuit Wall

While you're in town, snap a pic by this wall - a perfect shot for your kiddos or maybe even a little photo shoot just for you!

Zube Park

My local mom friends can attest to this park for the hot summer days. Two words - FREE SPLASH PAD. Hours of fun and makes for easy bedtimes. Winner winner!

Woodlands Children's Museum

Thanks to the Grand Parkway opening, getting to the Woodlands area is easy for us now. This small, but cool museum is perfect for all ages. I love its size so I can always keep my eye on my busy (and fast) little one!

Sweet Box Candy

Another small little gem we love! Remember all the fun candy you loved as a child? Think Gobstoppers, flavored jelly beans, and Gatorade gum. It's all here and then some. I usually take the kids as a reward and let them pick out 2-3 treats each. They can grab a little basket and fill it up. So much fun.

LaCenterra at Cinco Ranch

Again, thanks Grand Parkway for making it easy to see our Katy friends and frequent another fun family place. Shop til you drop, grab your coffee, and let the kids run around the green. Bonus if there's live music on the weekends!

Rosehill Beer Garden

Off Cypress Rosehill and 290, you will find the coolest joint that has livened up the NW side. Get there early and grab a crafted beer for happy hour. Then, let the kids swing, play horseshoes, washers, and get your grub on from the multiple food trucks. See you there!

Sugar Land Skeeters

We haven't been here in a while, but we are making a return trip this summer. Purchase a lawn seat and pack the bathing suits. Watch the game while the kids swim, play on the playground or splash pad, and make some fun summer memories.

Astros Game at Minute Maid Park

You can't come to Houston without seeing our World Champions! Get there early to play in Squeeze Play and watch our champs warm up. If you go on Tuesday, you can grab a $1 hot dog. And Friday fireworks over downtown are sure to liven up those summer nights.

City Centre

From Bellagreen to Sweet, you will cover all your cravings! Sit on Bellagreen's patio and bring the soccer balls while the kids play. The shopping is fab, too!

Star Cinema Grill

As I write this post, my boys are watching a movie at our new favorite cinema. The food is the best I've had in a movie theater. And the recliners?! YES, girl. Get cozy and enjoy the show!

Noah's Ark at the Quillian Center

We've been adding this awesome pool to our summer bucket list for years - since before my youngest joined the party. Pay a small admission and either pack a lunch or hit up their snack bar. There's a great small pool with slides for the youngsters as well as a bigger pool for the older ones. You can grab a season pass, too, if you frequent it as much as we do!

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Houston friends, what else should I put on the list? And the invitation is open for you to join us as we get into summer. We can't wait for sleeping in and hitting our favorite spots.

If you need more summer boredom busters, check out these posts, too!
Summer Bucket List - Part I
Summer Bucket List - Part II

The countdown is on!

When Life Hands You Anxiety

I made a call about a month ago. It was a call I knew I needed to make, but of course, my anxiety pulled its usual tricks. He will think you're weird. You keep quitting. Nothing is going to help. With shaky, sweaty hands, I made the appointment. My reason - to follow up with my doctor on my medicine. The truth - I wanted out.

Sharing this part of my journey gives me anxiety (I know, shocker), but it's life for me. And, I am learning this road can be very long. Twists and turns, for sure. Road blocks and obstacles, at every turn. But, I am on this journey for the long haul, and I am still seeking the right mode of transportation to carry my heart, my grief, my worry, and my hurt. 

I head into the appointment scared out of my mind. Is this what you're suppose to do? Try one. Then another. One more. I often wish I could get a print out of my thoughts - it wouldn't be a fun list, but it could at least paint a picture of my anxiety. I could give a copy to my husband. My friends. And, I surely would give a highlighted and annotated version to my doctor. Then, maybe we could find the right fit. 

Just as he walks in, he gives me a hug. Heart slows a bit. Then, he asks how it's going, and I simply say, no. This one isn't right. My inward anxiety has been seeping back out. My thoughts have not made sense. I am scared, and I know we need another route. Plan B - or it might even be Plan M at this point - isn't my mode of transportation. Without hesitation, he agrees. He takes his time and we talk. We know exactly what needs to happen. 

We hug our goodbyes, and I leave with a slowed heart and hope once again. He tells me things that are almost a Godsend, and I know them to be true as soon as I get in my car. That call I made. The worry I felt. The sweaty hands and all. They all made sense soon after I left.

Anxiety isn't a one-size-fits all. It's not a one-day-fits-all. I won't be cured because leaving that appointment made me feel like a million bucks. I know those feelings are fleeting when you worry like crazy or when grief smacks you in the face without warning. But, I'd be a big liar if I said taking my needed transportation wasn't a requirement for me on a daily basis. It doesn't have to be for you or the next guy, but for some, we've tried it all to know we need it. Our family needs it. Our kids need it. 

When life hands you anxiety for all the reasons or for no reason at all, you don't just shake it off or quit because people tell you to. When life hands you anxiety, you don't need to cower or hide because your sweaty palms and fast heart rate tell you no one will get it. The truth is - so many of us do. You have a tribe. A tired yet fierce tribe who will nod their heads at what you think is a silly worry yet it's consuming your days. We know that when life hands you anxiety, it's unfiltered and messy. It's not easy, and it's never-ending. 

So, make the call. Take your sweaty hands and figure out how you will wind down those long roads. Just because it doesn't end as fast as you want or that your Plan B is now Plan C doesn't mean you're stuck or that you stink at figuring out life. There's a fit out there. I don't know if this new one is mine, but I won't give up until it feels right. 

And, I have a doctor and a tribe running along side me - pushing me through the muck, cheering me on when I feel my best, and reminding me that no matter the plan, I can do hard things when life hands you anxiety. 

How To Help Your Kids Understand Grief

Last week, we had a family movie night to watch Coco. I took my youngest to see the movie in the theater, and I definitely got more out of it than she did. In fact, I believe this movie is for more mature audiences as it deals with loss and all its emotions. My son hadn't seen it yet and thus, it became his choice for our movie that night.

Without giving too much away, the story is about a young boy who accidentally gets stuck in the land of the dead and meets many family members who have passed. These family members then help him return to his living family but not without mysteries solved and new revelations made. The music and the message are beautiful; the song "Remember Me" had me crying at the end of the movie. Of course, I was moved because of my connections to loss. What I wasn't expecting was my son - who is 9 - to have such an intense reaction after the movie ended.

When my brother died, I waited two weeks to tell my son. For many personal reasons and choices as a parent, and mainly because I needed guidance on how to do so without losing my mind in the process. I wanted to be present and calm because I knew he would react strongly and have many questions. The day I told him, he had woken up early and crawled in bed with me. I gently explained to him what had happened and that his uncle was no longer here.

He cried so hard after finding out this news. We stayed cuddled in bed for a while, and I just let him ask, cry, share, question. Anything he wanted. I had already decided this day would be about him so we took his little sister to school and had a special day together - doing anything he wanted.

And two years later, he has been doing well with the loss. Honestly, better than his mama. But, this movie was too much for him, and it was like the day he found out all over again. He embraced me on the couch when the movie ended and wept - he just felt the loss again. I was stunned into tears and simply cried with him. We went to bed with him still choking back tears until I could comfort him into sleep.

I don't have the right answers to how a child should grieve - if you need assistance in that, I highly recommend you speak with a counselor as I did. Her advice has helped shape me as a grieving mom support her grieving son. But, with my experience, I can offer advice on what has helped us in the last two years and what helped me this past week.

Let them see you grieve. 

Cry, share what you miss about your loved one. Talk about what grief can do for you on a normal day when you least expect it all to hit. But, also talk about how you have good days, and that those are the best ones. Celebrate those moments - celebrate them big.

Read children's books about grief.

They are so many available; so many that simply explain it way better than I could ever do. Check your local library - they have special sections dedicated to grief. You can also ask a school counselor for great recommendations - they are always a great resource.

Share things that your loved ones loved to do. Then go do them. 

In fact, on the anniversary of my dad's passing, we went to the library (because he loved books); we cooked (because he loved good food); and we made plans to go fishing soon (anything outdoors, and he was all in). Do the same things with your kids - while I am guilty of wallowing in the gross part of grief, it is important to show them the good parts (yes, there can be).

Gather with others.

Be with your family and share memories or JUST BE TOGETHER (that's my favorite). Involve their teachers - my son's teacher was amazing during the beginning of the loss. She was careful with him and kept me posted on how he was doing.

Honor your loved one.

Maybe do a balloon release on their birthdays or draw a picture for them (maybe send in that balloon or leave on their resting place). Or, create a keepsake box - put in anything that reminds you of that person or anything important items of theirs. We have a small stuffed dinosaur that my brother named Taco - he's always close by.

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These are just a few ways to help your little ones understand loss - especially when we don't understand it one bit. Expect the unexpected, too - I carelessly thought he was okay as it had been a year or so since I saw him cry about my brother. I never expected this movie to impact him - and me - in such a heavy, yet profound way. Also, make sure to arm yourself with support, with great resources, with creative ideas, and with all the hugs and shoulders to cry on. 

And, know this, too - they will be the biggest reason you have better days in your grief. Though this unexpected moment took my breath away, that big 9 year old in my arms gave me the greatest comfort. I made sure he knew that as well - he helps me every single day. He makes ME stronger.

The best - and last - tip I can give is just that - remember everyday they are your biggest reasons to fight through that tricky grief. Love them and let them love you so big, too. 

The Easter Story Egg - Celebrating The True Meaning of Easter

Special thanks to Magpie's Gifts for inspiring this post and gifting me with the Easter Story Egg. All thoughts and opinions are 100% my own. Please see my disclaimer on the side bar for more information. Thanks for supporting Always A New Day!

Hi, friends! What a special time it has been preparing for this post. I was able to meet the sweetest and most faithful women I've met in a while. When the blogging world seems so big, and I seem so small, God comes in with Magpie's. My kids and I are so excited to share this perfect Easter gift with all of you!

Magpie's Gifts is a precious, family-owned store in the Houston area - they have gifts for your home, for your friends, for your kids, and definitely for yourself. From the moment we received The Easter Story Egg, my kids have been fascinated about what this season really means. This sweet book and its hand-carved eggs bring Holy Week to life.

The book begins Palm Sunday where you and your littles read the first part of the book that includes Jesus' journey to Jerusalem - the largest egg has a hand-painted palm, too. As the story goes forward so do the accompanying eggs. Then, as you wake up Easter Sunday, the kids open the smallest gray egg which is empty - representing the empty tomb and Jesus' resurrection.

This special time with your family helps children understand why Easter is more than a bunny and Easter baskets - so much more is the story of our Savior. We can often spend holidays rushed into all the fanfare, and this sweet time puts real meaning in each day of Holy Week. What a treasured time for you to gather and make this an annual tradition for years to come.

And, Magpie's wants to help you start this tradition - you can head to the nearest Magpie's and when you mention Always A New Day, you can get 15% off your Easter Story Egg! Or shop for this gift online at Magpie's and include the coupon - ALWAYSANEWDAY - at check-out!

I am looking forward to Palm Sunday more than ever. Thank you to Magpie's for letting me be a part of sharing this gift. The preparation for this post has renewed my purpose in sharing my faith.

Houston friends, if you need a gift for someone or want to be uplifted, make a trip to Magpie's. With three locations in our area, I know you will find a gift that blesses not only you but those you love.

Do you have any Easter traditions? There's something about the spring weather, dressing in our best for church, fellowship, and fun that makes Easter a favorite for me. And, when I can focus more on the meaning, this time of year makes my heart happy.

If you are looking for more non-candy gifts for those Easter baskets, also check out this post for some great ideas.

Happy Easter!

When The Anniversary Approaches - Missing my Dad

Sixteen years. Sixteen years ago, I came home from a long day of teaching, ready for a lazy weekend. Instead, my brother-in-law and sister-in-law are waiting for me inside the home I rented with two friends. I see them, and I run. I don't know where I am going, but I know whatever they tell me is not going to be good. I run so it won't be real.

At that moment, my worst fear has come true. Something has happened to my dad. I think heart attack because he's had two prior, but it's not that. It's a fishing accident. They found his canoe, his fishing gear, but not him. Fast forward to nine days later, and we find him. And just like that, I can't outrun this reality.

So, where I am 16 years later on his anniversary? I am a mom. A wife. A daughter and a sister. I try to be a good friend. I worry. I grieve. I sit here right now thinking of how in the world I am here when my dad is not.

Most days, I am good - my kids keep me in real time. I am busy most days with just everyday life. I try on those days to be present because I know that life can change when you least expect it. There are other days - many, in fact - where I just can't. Give me the comfort of my home when I can't face the world outside. When I can't explain my anxiety, my grief, or my depression to anyone at all.

February 28th is the day where I sit in it for those 24 hours. I won't hide my sadness from my kids because I want to be real. I also won't shy away from telling them about the guy who would probably pick them up from school, take them to the park or on a quick fishing trip. The guy who would tell them corny jokes and laugh that raspy laugh. The guy who would call me and read me parts of his favorite book. The guy who would open a beer with my husband to talk business, college football, and how stubborn his daughter is.

My kids are old enough now to really grasp what this day means for me - and for them, too. They are wise enough to know they missed a really good thing. Though I am sad, I want them to a part of this day, too.

We will play Jimmy Buffet because he loved Margaritaville and Son of a Sailor

We will spend part of our day outdoors because he volunteered often to take care of our world.

We will make a good dinner - probably one we just make up - because he didn't follow recipes.

We will talk about good books and reading because my love of reading comes from him.

We will talk about hope because through harder times for my dad, he always had it.

We will look at pictures - like the one of my dad and I dancing at a friend's wedding. 

I will spend some time in the quiet, sitting knee-deep in my loss. Missing him

I will text my friend, Jennifer, and thank my dad and her sister, Missy, for them bringing us together through their deaths.

I will share good memories with my husband because he was lucky enough to know him.

I will hug my kids so hard because I strongly believe he chose them for me.

I will pray hard. For my family. For our loss. For our continued strength that only He can provide.

Sixteen years ago. Sixteen. I've grown. I've lost again. And after this day ends, my dad would want all of us to remember he's safely home - full of hope and fishing in the greatest rivers in Heaven. 

7 Simple Tips To Succeed at Healthy Eating

Another new week is upon us, and while you are planning your weekly menu, you may want to stop and read this post! I am so happy that one of my favorite trainers from my Orangetheory Fitness studio is sharing 7 simple tips to succeed at healthy eating. If you're stuck in a diet rut or want practical tips for healthy eating, Magan is here to help. I've tried diets, and when they fail, the anxiety creeps up. For me, I want long-term, realistic tips for the busy mama. I love what she has to share - you will, too. 

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You know that one thing that you could do better on, and it would change everything? That thing that we all like to talk about and do and also has the power to make us a look and feel a certain way? That thing that gives us joy and happiness in one minute, and then in the next makes us feel guilty and regret our decision? You’re probably already thinking about those tacos and margaritas you had last night. Or maybe even as you read this article.

Did you know that in the City of Houston, if you ate out for all three meals, it would take you 10 years to eat at every restaurant the city has? And by then, new restaurants would have evolved, and there would be new places to try - not to mention that we would probably be pretty unhappy and overweight in the process.

Food has this way of taking up our minds, our time, and our paychecks. Whether you eat out or prep your meals at home, you’re trading off either time or money. If you eat healthy and prep organic food - or maybe you married a bodybuilder - it can be both timely and expensive.

Then we throw in all the different diets; paleo, keto, low fat, Atkins, Mediterranean, vegan, Episcopalian, organic, IIFYM, Whole 30 and so on. By now you’re probably confused or hungry.

Nutrition should be simple, enjoyable, and not suck the life out of you and your family’s life.

I read an article on the cost of getting lean, and it was very eye-opening. It painted a very clear picture of what it costs financially and socially to desire a certain body type. Basically, you can’t have your cake and eat it too (unless you’re genetically gifted).

As with any thing in life, you need to stay in your lane when it comes to nutrition. Just because Sally down the street lost 10 lbs on keto doesn’t mean that’s the diet YOU need to do. What are your goals? What is going to work for you and your body type? What’s going to work for your family? I’ve done a few fitness competitions, and I will say that the lack of carbs in my diet turns me into a Mean Girl. Although I had to suck it up to get to the end goal, no carb is not a good diet for me.

So how do we decide what we should be doing? Talk to a nutritionist or a fitness professional (this is slightly out of our scope of practice, but I’d say we probably know a thing or two about how diet affects exercise and weight loss or muscle gain) The first thing is your goal and what you’re trying to accomplish. The second thing is what is your social, work, and family life like? All of these will be affected with any type of extreme dieting. There is no "one size fits all" diet.

Here are some of the tips and suggestions I go over with all of my clients. Very basic stuff and once they nail this, then we get more in-depth.

/1/ Are you eating lean protein at every meal? 

Turkey, chicken, eggs, salmon, tuna, etc. Ladies, your protein serving should be the size of your palm, and gents can probably get away with two palms

/2/ Where are your carbs coming from? 

If you haven’t just worked out or if you are trying to lose fat, then you’d better be eating veggies or fruit, preferably veggies. The best time for starchy carbs (think breads, pastas, tortillas) is post work out. But again, if you’re trying to drop a few pounds, chose these carbs wisely. This will also depend on your body type. Some people can tolerate carbs better than others. Ladies want one fist full and guys, two fists full.

/3/ Where are your fats coming from? 

You should be getting a good balance of healthy fats. Think avocados, olive oil, almond butter, nuts (cashews, almonds, walnuts, pecans are preferred). This serving should be the size of your thumb (ladies) or two thumbs (gents).

/4/ Are you eating every 3-4 hours?

/5/ What are you drinking? 

It should be calorie-free (for example - water, tea, black coffee, pre-workout).

/6/ Are you really hungry? 

Keep healthy snacks in reach (handful of almonds, small red apple, hard boiled eggs, protein bars like Quest or Power Crunch). But ask yourself if you’re really hungry or if you are just bored. Hence, the eating every three to four hours. You might really just need another meal.

/7/  Are you tracking your food? 

You’d be surprised how much you’re eating or not eating and where you deficiencies are just by writing things down. This will also help your nutritionist or fitness professional help you identify what needs to change. Overhauling your diet is hard. Baby steps are best for long term weight loss.

This is skinning the cat on a very wide and broad topic of nutrition. Most of my opinions are based off past experiences as well as information from Precision Nutrition. I have a Nutrition Certification through them, and it is probably the most practical and easiest information to follow. They break everything down by body type, goal, and timing. It’s probably the most robust system I’ve ever seen and the results stick! 

It’s about creating a lifestyle - not a diet. Find what works for you and stick with it. Stop beating yourself up when you fail at an unrealistic meal plan. A meal plan should never make you feel guilty or deprive you so much that you lose your sanity. Of course, change is going to require some sacrifice and discipline, but it should be slightly enjoyable discovering what the best plan is for you. It should excite you to see your body change and make it easier to stick with the process. Unless you plan on walking on stage in a bikini, try to enjoy the process and take it one step at a time. Once you nail one thing, then move on to the next. You’d be surprised how much easier it is when you focus on the little things rather than the complete overhaul of your life and pantry.

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Coming from a fitness professional and one who is passionate about wellness, I just breathe a huge sigh of relief reading her tips. I've wanted to do a Whole 30 or a keto-friendly diet, but when I falter, I know the anxiety will be so much greater. Diets don't work for me, but overall healthy choices do! 

Thank you so much, Magan! For more info or any questions feel free to email her at maganb@hawaii.edi

Have a healthy week, friends!

Why I Will Keep Watching This Is Us

I was going to be quiet after watching last night's Super Bowl episode of This Is Us and let it all sink in - the way Jack died, how the family handled it, and how they "handle" it as adults. I am too connected to them and their stories for multiple reasons, and I went to bed thinking of so much. Social media can be so silly sometimes, and I wish I didn't let the silliness get to me, but there are so many out there questioning why one would watch such a sad, depressing show.

And as protective (and maybe too vocal) I am of my grief, I had to pull out my favorite lines from the show last night. Sure, I cried, but I felt so much more -  mainly comfort. When you grieve, you often feel alone. And leave it to a TELEVISION SHOW to make me less alone. That's why I will keep watching This Is Us - tears, swollen eyes, and all.

The last episode - before the infamous Super Bowl tear-jerker - of This Is Us left shook me to my core. Yes, we knew Jack would die. Yes, we knew the crockpot was the culprit. But, I suddenly felt myself float back to the day I lost my dad. Soon, these characters would suddenly lose their dad, too. And, I hated that for them. I hate that for ANYONE IN THE REAL WORLD who ever had a regular, carefree day not knowing their world was about to be ripped in two. Or, a sudden burst of throbbing pain like Randall describes. 

For me, this show has words I've been searching for since losing my dad. I don't feel alone when watching - yep, a silly show does that for me. I don't watch it to wallow in pity and to cry my eyeballs out. I watch it because someone out there wrote words for these characters to say, and I feel them all. 

He died because of me. Because in the scariest moments of our lives, he couldn't bear to disappoint me? So, if for once a year, I want to beat myself up for it, please just let me. Let me just sit in it, okay? - Kate

When you grieve, some days, you want to sit in it - knee-deep in it. Why would someone choose to grieve like this? Because we NEED to and because we WANT to sometimes. Kate did with her VHS tape, and I did by watching this episode. And while I felt it ALL, I also felt lighter after. I don't think I've ever thought about it that way because I've been told so much to move on. Get over it. Count your blessings. But, some days, sitting in it is part of the process.

And when I would break, you never ever gave up on me over and over again. Never gave up on me and made me believe in me. You changed my life, and you saved my life. - Kate

My husband knew my dad though briefly. And, I had the blessing of KNOWING how much my dad liked him. My husband (boyfriend at the time) helped search for my dad when he was missing. My husband has given me a life I know my dad loves. My husband gave me two kids who changed and saved me. I'm not easy, folks. And, I break daily. This sweet speech Kate gave to Toby was a blessing. And a needed reminder. That moment was everything and pure sweetness.

And then you were born. And my life flipped. It did a somersault, you know. And, I realized I didn't even have to try...because I love this little girl so much, I didn't even have a choice. You're my number one, baby girl. You're the little girl that made my life somersault. - Randall

Let's see if I can get through this one without crying. My kids have saved me. I don't know how else to phrase it. On the dark days where I miss my dad, they somehow love extra hard. On the days I don't want to face the world, I always remember THEY ARE MY WORLD. This little boy and little girl of mine made MY life somersault.

I remember being in Home Depot one day after my dad was found and after his memorial. Walking through the aisles, I just remember so vividly that this is my new life. Life after dad. I didn't think life would be good again. I didn't think I could exist in a world where my dad didn't. Then, my life somersaulted in 2008 and 2013. I didn't have a choice, but my dad did. He gave them to me. 

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Rebecca said Jack comes back each anniversary to make her smile, and with my dad's anniversary looming, maybe this strong pull to write about my favorite show is my dad's smiling moment for me. He did love when I would write.

I will keep watching. And I can't wait for the next episode.