name='p:domain_verify'/> Always A New Day : When Life Hands You Anxiety


4.10.2018

When Life Hands You Anxiety

I made a call about a month ago. It was a call I knew I needed to make, but of course, my anxiety pulled its usual tricks. He will think you're weird. You keep quitting. Nothing is going to help. With shaky, sweaty hands, I made the appointment. My reason - to follow up with my doctor on my medicine. The truth - I wanted out.

Sharing this part of my journey gives me anxiety (I know, shocker), but it's life for me. And, I am learning this road can be very long. Twists and turns, for sure. Road blocks and obstacles, at every turn. But, I am on this journey for the long haul, and I am still seeking the right mode of transportation to carry my heart, my grief, my worry, and my hurt. 


I head into the appointment scared out of my mind. Is this what you're suppose to do? Try one. Then another. One more. I often wish I could get a print out of my thoughts - it wouldn't be a fun list, but it could at least paint a picture of my anxiety. I could give a copy to my husband. My friends. And, I surely would give a highlighted and annotated version to my doctor. Then, maybe we could find the right fit. 

Just as he walks in, he gives me a hug. Heart slows a bit. Then, he asks how it's going, and I simply say, no. This one isn't right. My inward anxiety has been seeping back out. My thoughts have not made sense. I am scared, and I know we need another route. Plan B - or it might even be Plan M at this point - isn't my mode of transportation. Without hesitation, he agrees. He takes his time and we talk. We know exactly what needs to happen. 

We hug our goodbyes, and I leave with a slowed heart and hope once again. He tells me things that are almost a Godsend, and I know them to be true as soon as I get in my car. That call I made. The worry I felt. The sweaty hands and all. They all made sense soon after I left.

Anxiety isn't a one-size-fits all. It's not a one-day-fits-all. I won't be cured because leaving that appointment made me feel like a million bucks. I know those feelings are fleeting when you worry like crazy or when grief smacks you in the face without warning. But, I'd be a big liar if I said taking my needed transportation wasn't a requirement for me on a daily basis. It doesn't have to be for you or the next guy, but for some, we've tried it all to know we need it. Our family needs it. Our kids need it. 

When life hands you anxiety for all the reasons or for no reason at all, you don't just shake it off or quit because people tell you to. When life hands you anxiety, you don't need to cower or hide because your sweaty palms and fast heart rate tell you no one will get it. The truth is - so many of us do. You have a tribe. A tired yet fierce tribe who will nod their heads at what you think is a silly worry yet it's consuming your days. We know that when life hands you anxiety, it's unfiltered and messy. It's not easy, and it's never-ending. 

So, make the call. Take your sweaty hands and figure out how you will wind down those long roads. Just because it doesn't end as fast as you want or that your Plan B is now Plan C doesn't mean you're stuck or that you stink at figuring out life. There's a fit out there. I don't know if this new one is mine, but I won't give up until it feels right. 

And, I have a doctor and a tribe running along side me - pushing me through the muck, cheering me on when I feel my best, and reminding me that no matter the plan, I can do hard things when life hands you anxiety. 

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