Becoming a mother brings tremendous joy and truly is a
blessing, but it does turn your life upside down. Priorities change and the
sudden high responsibility for a new fragile being that's completely helpless
and dependent on others – can be overwhelming for new mommies. Disrupted mental
well-being of moms is not a widely discussed topic, and it can be perceived as
the dark side of the motherhood: sometimes, there's just too much to handle.
Yet, society puts a lot of pressure on mothers attaching superlatives such as
“superheroes“ to them. No doubt there - mothers are the clearest evidence there
are heroes that don't wear capes, given the fact how they juggle tasks and seem
to handle everything. However, we need to reframe the conversation about this:
how do mothers feel about this? There are subtle implications that mothers need
to be perfect and have it all together by default. This leads to piling up junk
emotions and the unavoidable mommy guilt. Here's how you can handle it.
Remember this: good is good enough
Almost every mother puts additional pressure on herself in
the pursuit of becoming the perfect parent. Instinctively,
one mother wants to raise her children better than her parents did, and she
does so by trying to correct their mistakes. This is why women can be so harsh
and unforgiving towards themselves, thinking good isn't good enough. It's hard
to find balance when raising a child, but this might help: you're not alone and
every mother goes through more or less the same emotional rollercoaster. It's
ok to breakdown and to take some time off. Perfect parents do not exist: they
are mythical creatures that pop into our heads as personifications of
self-criticism and undeserved self-punishment. If you honestly love and care
for your children, you are a successful mom and are doing your best. Your best
is good enough!
Find your vent and make time for self-care
Being a mother can be extremely stressful. This is why you
need to occasionally put yourself first: no, this doesn't make you a neglectful mother, it's actually a good thing for your children, too. You need to take
care of yourself so you can take care of your children. Find time for solitude
or focus on activities that will help you vent out. Exercise, sign up for an
art class, or find some other way of purging your emotions. Different cultures
take different approaches towards emotional decluttering: meditation and yoga
have become extremely popular when it comes to balancing body and mind. Eastern
tradition believes in the importance of the free flow of energy (chi) so many
women choose to appoint
a feng shui consultation, high-level intensity training is a great
way to sweat out your frustrations, spa days are a nice way to relax. You are a
mother, but this isn't your wholesome identity. You're also a woman, a wife, a
sister, a daughter, a leading face in business perhaps? If you don't keep your
different roles in balance, you'll start to resent yourself and people around
you, and then you'll start feeling guilty about it. Stop right there and take a
deep breath.
Write it all down and talk about it
Women are often quieting themselves as they feel they need
to endure without “bothering“ anyone with their problems. Break the silence and
talk about it: if your children are old enough, try to explain how you feel. If
not, talk with your spouse or with anyone else. It's good to keep a daily emotional journal in which you
will focus on mapping the sources of your negative emotions: figuring out a way
to control them will come naturally. Ask for support; you deserve it.
Remember that being a parent is a whole new life role:
nobody exactly knows what they're doing and that's ok. We just need to speak
openly about it so that we prevent assumptions that the grass is greener
somewhere else. You're a human being and you're allowed to make mistakes.
Mommy guilt is no joke - it's one thing that no one care prepare you for as you become a mom. Zara's words remind all moms to slow down, take time for yourself, and remember you ARE good enough. Always.
How do you work through your mommy guilt?
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Zara Lewis is a mom, designer, and regular contributor to highstylife.com. She is devoted to implementing healthy life habits in every aspect of life of her family and friends. She is a romantic soul and tech geek in one, and seeks for beauty in everything that surrounds her. She enjoys hiking, cycling, yoga, and cooking. Find her on Twitter. Thank you, Zara, for sharing your words with us.
