3 Ways To Get Rid of Mommy Guilt

Today, I am so excited to have a guest blogger sharing her thoughts on motherhood. Reading her words fits perfectly with my two passions: our mental well-being and who we are behind the mom life. If you have been around Always A New Day, you've read my mental health posts as well as The Healthy Mama Series. Zara's words are a perfect mixture of both. My hope is that her message will resonate with all mamas who feel the pressure to do it all.

Becoming a mother brings tremendous joy and truly is a blessing, but it does turn your life upside down. Priorities change and the sudden high responsibility for a new fragile being that's completely helpless and dependent on others – can be overwhelming for new mommies. Disrupted mental well-being of moms is not a widely discussed topic, and it can be perceived as the dark side of the motherhood: sometimes, there's just too much to handle. Yet, society puts a lot of pressure on mothers attaching superlatives such as “superheroes“ to them. No doubt there - mothers are the clearest evidence there are heroes that don't wear capes, given the fact how they juggle tasks and seem to handle everything. However, we need to reframe the conversation about this: how do mothers feel about this? There are subtle implications that mothers need to be perfect and have it all together by default. This leads to piling up junk emotions and the unavoidable mommy guilt. Here's how you can handle it. 

Remember this: good is good enough

Almost every mother puts additional pressure on herself in the pursuit of becoming the perfect parent. Instinctively, one mother wants to raise her children better than her parents did, and she does so by trying to correct their mistakes. This is why women can be so harsh and unforgiving towards themselves, thinking good isn't good enough. It's hard to find balance when raising a child, but this might help: you're not alone and every mother goes through more or less the same emotional rollercoaster. It's ok to breakdown and to take some time off. Perfect parents do not exist: they are mythical creatures that pop into our heads as personifications of self-criticism and undeserved self-punishment. If you honestly love and care for your children, you are a successful mom and are doing your best. Your best is good enough!

Find your vent and make time for self-care

Being a mother  can be extremely stressful. This is why you need to occasionally put yourself first: no, this doesn't make you a neglectful mother, it's actually a good thing for your children, too. You need to take care of yourself so you can take care of your children. Find time for solitude or focus on activities that will help you vent out. Exercise, sign up for an art class, or find some other way of purging your emotions. Different cultures take different approaches towards emotional decluttering: meditation and yoga have become extremely popular when it comes to balancing body and mind. Eastern tradition believes in the importance of the free flow of energy (chi) so many women choose to appoint a feng shui consultation, high-level intensity training is a great way to sweat out your frustrations, spa days are a nice way to relax. You are a mother, but this isn't your wholesome identity. You're also a woman, a wife, a sister, a daughter, a leading face in business perhaps? If you don't keep your different roles in balance, you'll start to resent yourself and people around you, and then you'll start feeling guilty about it. Stop right there and take a deep breath.    

Write it all down and talk about it

Women are often quieting themselves as they feel they need to endure without “bothering“ anyone with their problems. Break the silence and talk about it: if your children are old enough, try to explain how you feel. If not, talk with your spouse or with anyone else. It's good to  keep a daily emotional journal in which you will focus on mapping the sources of your negative emotions: figuring out a way to control them will come naturally. Ask for support; you deserve it.

Remember that being a parent is a whole new life role: nobody exactly knows what they're doing and that's ok. We just need to speak openly about it so that we prevent assumptions that the grass is greener somewhere else. You're a human being and you're allowed to make mistakes.

Mommy guilt is no joke - it's one thing that no one care prepare you for as you become a mom. Zara's words remind all moms to slow down, take time for yourself, and remember you ARE good enough. Always.

How do you work through your mommy guilt?

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Zara Lewis is a mom, designer, and regular contributor to highstylife.com. She is devoted to implementing healthy life habits in every aspect of life of her family and friends. She is a romantic soul and tech geek in one, and seeks for beauty in everything that surrounds her. She enjoys hiking, cycling, yoga, and cooking. Find her on Twitter. Thank you, Zara, for sharing your words with us.