A Mother's Reminder - You Are Loved

As I drove to the appointment, I felt my hands getting sweaty and my heart start to race. I switched to the radio station that gives me peace - I always have it on when going to these check-ups. My stomach feels queasy as it does every six months as I make this drive.

Suddenly - maybe it's the song or the message from the DJ - but, I hear, "you are loved." The sweaty palms don't dry, but the words play on repeat.

When the doctor comes in and once again senses my panic, I hear - "you are loved."

When she checks for any suspicious spots, and I am sure she can hear my heart racing, I hear - "you are loved."

When she stops at one, says she doesn't like the way it looks, my heart drops, I hear - "you are loved."

When she assures me she's just being safe given my medical history, I hear - "you are loved."

When she shakes my hand and tells me not to worry, I hear - "you are loved."

As I drive home in tears not wanting to go through it all again, I still hear the words. Even though I wanted this check-up to end with a clean bill of health. Even though the two-week period of waiting for results will wear on my brain. Even though flashbacks of before are going through my anxious mind, I still heard - "you are loved."

I await the news of something so simple yet so big to me. I think of what it could be and what we'd have to do next. I just keep repeating the words I heard so loudly that day - the day the panic originally set in. This weekend, I learned that the results are in and read them as I heard the words louder than ever - "you are loved."

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I am thankful that I am okay, but I am more thankful that it was that day where the radio station put the words on repeat. I do have scars on my back, my hand, my stomach - all from that medical history that spun me into fear. But, through that fear, I am leaning on love. Through life hardships, I am repeating the words. 

When your relationships falter, and you feel lonely - you are loved.

When motherhood wears you down - you are loved.

When you are at a crossroads with a career or broken dreams - you are loved.

When fear is way greater than your faith - you are loved.

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My next appointment again is six months away, and I know that the same feelings will come up as I make that drive. I will still have the sweaty hands and racing heart, but I know seven years after having skin cancer, I am loved.

I am loved. You are loved. 

For more on my skin cancer journey, read this post originally shared on Her View From Home.