And, if you are in need of a counselor for any reason, click HERE to learn more information - even if you do not qualify for the Harvey assistance. Thank you BetterHelp - I hope just one person reads this and takes a step forward in their health.
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After Hurricane Harvey did his dirty work on my hometown, all the world fell away a bit. Dear friends had flooded homes; school was closed until further notice. Life came to a screeching halt. My family was blessed to walk away unscathed - we had our homes - so I feel guilt in even talking about my anxiety after the storm. In fact, I tried for weeks to put my feelings into words, and I couldn't get the picture to come out. My words were jumbled and jumped from one idea to the next. When I felt the energy to write it out, they came out quickly so forgive me if they sound a mess.
Photo by Olia Gozha on Unsplash |
A week ago, I wrote a piece called "After The Hurricane." I even applied to have the piece appear on a writers' website. I learned today that it was not accepted. Oh, hey there, anxiety. Here you come again just when I was feeling a breeze of relief. And when I think about it, I'm betting that ebb and flow of relief to "what the hell do I do next?" is only one small part of what hurricane Harvey did to so many. I have anxiety over the storm? Pfft. Get over yourself, lady. You have a home. You aren't battling FEMA. And, your house has four walls. GET OVER IT.
This is where I wish I could handpick all the perfect words to make others understand what living with anxiety is like. My kids and I huddled into a closet after multiple tornado warnings. Pure anxiety. I see pictures of friends' parents who flooded. I feel guilty and now have anxiety for having anxiety. My youngest no longer wants to sleep in her room because there are too many windows - what if another tornado comes? Anxiety for wronging my child in some way. My friend's youngest is devastated and misses her home. You guessed it. Guilt. Anxiety. Repeat.
Words have been swirling. Guilt has been settling in. Fatigue has taken over. And I am not talking about myself - these words describe half of Houston. Anxiety has made me tired but imagine those who spend hours finding a new place to live or on the phone trying to find monetary relief. Think of those who struggle after a life-changing event and try every single day to keep going. They are back to square one after Harvey, I can promise you that.
I know this post is jumbled. I know I don't have the eloquence to make others understand what Harvey did to Texas. I also know that hanging onto worried thoughts makes you physically tired. For me, this post is a small part of release. Writing is how I release anxiety. But, I am small in the midst of this aftermath. I can only share my story.
If you were a victim of Harvey and want the world to understand what your life is like now, I'd love to hear from you. We are not done hurting - the sadness and anxiety remain. I'd love to open my small little corner to you.
Know your story makes sense. I hope by sharing it, you can feel lighter, too.
I think we were all affected one way or another, ones directly with their material possessions, others, with the loss of someone and MANY if not ALL, emotionally. It shook our grounds, it broke our hearts, it took our tears and it has left scars. But AMAZINGLY it has also made us strong, merciful, benevolent, kind, loving... HUMAN! I'm glad you were able to release your anxiety into words... thank you for opening your heart. Big hug!
ReplyDeleteThank you for your sweet comment. Scars left, but we are definitely stronger and always loving!!
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